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November 15, 2012

Stubborn pride

Now that there's no one behind me in the classroom I can finally blog safely (sort of)... haha.

So finally, (short-lived) LIBERATION.


Nothing much going on in my life because I officially sold my soul to Design 2. The past few days passed by in a blur, entrapped in my little spot in the classroom, frozen in time, writing the memorandum and working on adobe illustrator through the many many uncountable nights.

Yesterday I asked myself: why am I spending so much time on this?

In the classroom, there was much contention on the issue of redefining education, how we should have our own niche areas (i.e. markets to spoil), regardless of whether academic or non-academic. (one of the many reasons why I love this school) Issues about duty, futures, risk-taking... and then I questioned myself on my own choices so far. Why am I willing to sacrifice my GPA for this?

Don't know if I'm right, but after thinking so much I guess it's got to do with comparison. The system's pretty smart in such a way that everything is laid out in the open, when what you present/ how you present yourself is the only impression that the profs/ coursemates are going to have of you.

I have never ever dared to showcase something that is sub-standard. The hidden perfectionist in me  has slowly dwindled over the years, yet between rationality and sleeping at 7am in the morning re-doing a layout of a poster, I chose the latter.

When the bars continue to be raised and my own experience skills simply can't match up, I have no idea why I blindly seek to reach an unattainable standard, spending efforts that are tenfold to others, and at the end of the day, being utterly (yet knowingly) crushed.

I have no idea why I put myself through this. I guess it's a matter of stubborn pride.

It's really time to let go.

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