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October 23, 2012

10 October - 18 October 2012

Hi! If I don't update now I might never be able to do it so I shall haha.

The past week has been the lowest point of my entire existence on this planet. I'm not even exaggerating. Looking back it seems like just another hiccup in life, but back then it was such an impossible mountain- so much thinking/ reflecting/ analysing to do, so many variables, so many things that went wrong, so much at stake.

Walking in rounds of the 3rd story east terrace trying to clear my head (futilely), desperate phone calls, Arabian nights, attending lectures with vj pe tee and fbts because I overslept in school (although hostel was just 5min away), threats that are used as an inside joke.

The point where you just fake such a huge smile for so long that you actually forget about being sad, until the torrent of emotions come pouring back.

Yet at the same time I feel myself maturing a little- it's not everyday that shit gets thrown at you. I'm just really glad for the support I had throughout this whole ordeal, and in some sense I guess I'm still sheltered. And I'm thankful for that because I don't think I would have been able to handle this myself. Not now anyway.

So thank you :)

I guess I learnt some lessons about myself the hard way. I'm not completely guiltless, and in some ways such an overblown issue would have preempted me from committing the same mistakes in an even larger setting in the future.

Learnt this thing about ownership- I've always been so quick (too quick) to take up responsibilities in a group setting- identifying tasks, doing plans, getting frustrated when others don't do the same. Ownership is about how much you want to do well. But when it comes to people it's completely different. The unpredictability and the permutation for things that could go wrong is just infinite. The complexity is unimaginable.

If I want to survive I need to learn this new ball game.

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