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August 28, 2012


I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."
~ The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
Having all these empty time in the holidays is making me think a lot about what course I want to pursue in my second year. While everyone else has that difficult life choice out of the window five months ago, I'm still scrambling to find out what I really want to do.

I guess part of why I'm in this school is because it is a form of escapism from the grown up world (sorta). If I were in another uni I would have been pursuing knowledge that was directly related to my future job/ adult life already. But until now my future it continues to be a hazy image, and I've become too comfortable nuzzling in this uncertainty. It's like a safe haven.

Okay so anyway I shall break down the four options I have. Have fun guessing!

#Option A. The only reason I will end up in this course is because practically everyone I care about/ cool is set on it (with certain exceptions). Feeling a certain peer pressure but I guess I have to step out of my comfort zone sooner or later.

I've heard many things about this profession, and honestly I cannot see myself doing it for the rest of my life. Sometimes you just know. Moreover, this is such a specialised route which I feel l'm going to be trapped in.

#Option B. The rest of the girl population is choosing this course. Somehow I feel like this is the safest choice........... but there's just no particular interest. I don't know.

#Option C. Like in Paper Town by John Green, I feel like I'm falling in love with the idea of the course but not the course itself. The very motivation behind this course is so empowering, so in line with my own, its hard not to be inspired.

What I'm afraid is that I've romantisized this course so much so that I've completely forgotten about the (ugly) science behind it, how in essence it's all mechanics and physics and variables and numbers. When I really delve into the descriptions of the course-related talks... complete zone out :/

#Option D. Essentially something that I think I like to do now, but who's to say that I will continue to enjoy it when tied down with academics? Furthermore I abhor the social stigma associated with it. And in this insanely-paced world, it's hard to determine the demand for this specialization in 3 years' time.

Seriously what am I doing in this school. The word design is too overrated.

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