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June 23, 2012

Hope for the hopeless

It's funny (okay not very funny) how after so long, I still feel bitter when people talk about _.

It's funny when one year ago, everything was already laid out clearly for you- you study hard, do well, and get rewards which are tenfold/ hundredfold/ thousandfold. And yet in my mind it seemed like something that was far beyond me- it's like I didn't dare to dream for fear that everything would end in disappointment.

Low expectations, little stress.

I scrolled down my twitter feed yesterday to my pre-A's period (haha ok boliao I know) and every single day I would be putting myself down, struggling, giving up, trying not to care too much. It's a vicious cycle, but I guess that when you are on a downward spiral, there's not much left to do.. ah excuses.

Which brings me to this- I will not go down that same downward spiral. I can already feel myself slipping, but there's still hope. I think.

I will not let myself be compartmentalised (LT style) because there's no reason I cannot do as well!!!

Now it seems that my supposed 'dream' was so within reach... if only I paid a little more attention, if only I watched less drama, if only I blogged less (haha), so many if only's. Life would be so much less worrisome.

Sigh, regret, something that is somehow always inevitable in my life.

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