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March 05, 2012

The wildflowers that burn into dust


I have thought about it, and although I am disappointed, it is to a small extent that I feel pleased with myself. Well, not exactly pleased, just glad that I performed for the subjects I cared much about and worked my guts out for.

In a way, I am thankful to have met good teachers, both in and outside of school.

I believe, for the most part, that the guidance I have received was really what brought me through. I learnt about discipline, and at the most desperate moments just before the A levels, had teachers who took so much effort to pull me back up. This is cliche, but I realised that good teachers will never give you up.

In retrospect, there was always a good teacher behind each subject I did (by my standards) well in.

It is weird that I really looked forward to tuition every week and not just to pull my grades up. In a sense I felt that I was enjoying and learning at the same time, and it was something that I treasure. Oddly enough, as I look back to my school days, those were the lessons I miss and want to attend again.

..Anyway, if you know my grades you would know what I'm trying to get at. If you don't you can have fun guessing.

At the end of the day, I am resentful for not recognising my problems earlier, for being deluded by the people around me. For the sentence 'Is x subject really that easy, how come everyone is getting A in it??' that made me complacent even though I was barely scraping through. For not seeking the right help and suffering at the end of the day.

What is the point, you say, for listing out all those regrets. I guess I was just looking for an answer.

This blog entry was inspired after reading this post.

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