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July 03, 2011

"And we are just breakable, breakable girls and boys."

It's been half a year gone past, and I'm feeling reflective. It has been a relatively mundane period, except for some special occasions: rifle nationals, music for hope 2011 and the london trip. These are some things that I've learnt thought about over the six months.

To be honest I opened the blogging page for three times and kept it open for hours not knowing what to write. Not because I have nothing to say, but its difficult to word things to make it seem more introspective without being too sensitive; reader-friendly without being too explicit.

Here goes.

#1. Respect

I have learnt to respect people no matter how much I don't like them. There are two sides to everything- and no one deserves the right to give tainting comments on someone/ something when they only have one side of the story.

Everyone deserves the minimum bit of recognition for the things that they do.

#2. Fundamentals

Academics wise, I learnt that IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to know things at surface value if you want to take on an exam and do well. And it baffles me how I can restudy last year's and this year's syllabus in.. 9 weeks (or less).

#3. Mentality

Rifle has taught me so much about mentality and the difference it can make- about time I apply it to school. Sometimes I really hate myself for being so pessimistic. I cannot understand why (with the entire jun holidays) people still can be so bent on failing a subject. It just doesn't really make sense..

but I do it all the time.

Its not like I don't study, but it comes down to that last day, everything I've done feels like it has been thrown out of the window and my confidence level is back to zero. Going all 'I am going to fail I am going to fail' is so damn disheartening and disorientating sometimes but I can't help it.

Most of the time it leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy too. Can't let this happen anymore.

It's so sad after every exam when I feel so utterly, utterly defeated, that all I've every done has gone down the drain because I couldn't be bothered to make that last bit of effort. Also why I retract from talking about the paper right after it because it just makes me ):

#4. Trust

There's something about trust that is sacred. Trust is good, but sometimes it boils down to 'no one is going to look out for you except yourself'. After an unfortunate incident, I've learnt how it's always going to have to start out from 0% and build its way up to the top.

#5. -

I don't know what to say when people ask.. resorting to talking about the blue sky instead. I can't blame anyone- not in making this choice, not in already knowing what will happen and still going forward with it. It was a good opportunity and that was all to it. I don't want to fight for anything, neither do I want to pretend to be excited about things I'm really not about. Perhaps that's where the line was drawn?

Things like these make me wonder why I'm born this way.

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