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May 22, 2011

Ambivalence


Everyday I try to depend less on others and be more independent. I am utterly convinced that if I place too much expectations on someone, the greater the disappointments, the harder it is to get back up. That's why I refuse to be tailing behind anymore. Why should I? I do my own things- you do yours. It is a great pity that I will no longer trust you after so many setbacks.

***

I am extremely exhilarated that in exactly 7 days from now, I'll be whizzing halfway across the world to the mystical land of the United Kingdom!

Although being me, with so much excitement comes all these worries at the back of my mind, constantly threatening me, dampening my spirits, feeding me with anything and everything that could go wrong. I really don't want to feel this way- where is that feeling of pure jubilation that I've always been searching for?

***

I'm not very keen on dreaming. Somehow dreams always reflect my innermost fears- losing someone I love, being rejected.. It's almost like a double life whereby everything turns out wrong. The cross between my dreams and reality are so overlapped that sometimes I become so afraid, and it feels like I'm choking on my heart every time I wake up after a bad dream.

/edit/

Taylor Swift's mv for the story of us comes out on tuesday! It's like one of my favourite songs, yay excited(:


/endedit/

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