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May 12, 2011

“We’re not friends but we can pretend to be.”


11 May 2011

I found it pretty apt that civics was about stress this/last morning. Don't know whether to call it stress, or depression, or whatnot.. but lately I have been bothered by so many things, some more than others. The more troubled I feel, the more I try to escape, the more I keep quiet, the worse the problems become. And some stuff are not as simple as squeezing a stress ball.

I guess I got snapped out of my small bubble of American-drama-hyperreality pretty badly today, pulling me back to the ground, of expectations and things I have to settle and problems waiting to be solved.

Generally I tend to maintain a neutral-friendly type of relationship, given how my S component has hit the ceiling so high (coming from my stubborn reluctance in voicing out my opinions). Perhaps it's because after so long, I am still afraid. I think too far. I am too considerate to the point that compromise and negotiation are much too dangerous to partake in. Sadly, it also shows that I don't trust myself enough.

I feel like things are backfiring on me but I cannot take that next step.

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