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March 03, 2011

Bitter heart

Now playing on blog: Sally Seltmann - On the Borderline

When I wake up in the morning I feel very numb, but I'm gonna get through. I'm gonna tell myself every day-

Get yourself up, get yourself up, get yourself out of bed; This is a new day, this is a new day, this is a new day today.

Snapping your fingers, tapping your toes, you are humming a tune; You know, you know, this is a new day, this is a new day, this is a new day today.


I will not forget this feeling.

The sour, bitter feeling every single time the 'fruits of our labour' are presented back, reminding me that everything that's going on in this life is not without consequence, that we are being continually assessed all the time. The slight tinge of regret that makes my insides feel all tangled up.

I need to remember this feeling, to constantly remind myself that this is NOT what I want to feel exactly one year from now.

***

Maybe there's a hidden reason why I cannot be bothered anymore, when illogical, out-of-the-blue assertions are hurled at me. Why I simply laugh it off, keeping all the sentimentality, deeper concerns and emotions at the back of my mind.

I have changed, from that overly sensitive girl from three years ago. The girl whose biggest fear was to get involved. The girl who was mildly terrified of the fact that her name could be uttered behind her back for the most ridiculous reasons. The girl who was just, well, naive.

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