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January 29, 2011

Glass window

It's one am, and I'm sitting here, thinking, how a waste of space I am.

I guess it's one of those attacks, but I feel completely and utterly useless and I probably shouldn't be writing this here but oh well.

I complained about people being lucky to have their passions recognized, to have opportunities thrown at them, to have so much zest in life.

And now I realized I'm the only one being cynical here and doing nothing about it.

I weep, for the fact that I could have done so much more if I had set my mind into it.

It sucks, when my stupid brain is wired to think about all the practical rewards that come from everything we do. Believe me, when I say I really do want to focus on the intangibles, but I can't! Where we live today, who we are, makes me the disgusting calculative person that I am now.

Which is why it brings me to complete disbelief and awe when you're all goody-goody and angel-like, grabbing everything within your reach 'just for the fun of it', and being so freaking perfect.

Few weeks ago I wished for things to die down after a while, and again I realized that I was being stupid, because real friendship will never fade off. I just have to blame it on my bad fate, or my personality that considers it extremely rude to insult someone (however innocent the intentions are), and extra to make unnecessary nonsensical remarks.

Guess I shall just continue looking through the glass window.

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