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December 31, 2010


This year, I bade goodbye to the comfortable little bubble that is ip and re-entered vjc as a jc student. I watched a part of me/ my life I left 2 years ago coming back, I met new people and had new experiences that I never thought imaginable.

I experienced the real stress of under-performing when before I couldn't care less. I tried to take on new challenges, but was disappointed over and over again on how no one ever wanted to give me a chance. But most of all I was just upset that I was never good enough.

I held on tightly to the life I knew from 2009, almost afraid of accepting this completely different new year. Complaining incessantly throughout about the injustice of my tragic pcme plight (amongst other fancy codes to mask what I truly mean) until i myself got fed up, yet doing nothing about it.

Living each day as it is, quiet disappointments here and there, looking at those who became pretty butterflies, and those who remained as sullen little caterpillars. Trying to figure my way into this world, carving aspirations and life goals but continued being as aimless as ever.

Perhaps it's a real loss, but in a split second 2010 will be over too, and I'm going to be that little odd pebble while everyone feels so at home in this place that I've been in for two years and running. Ironic and a little sad, isn't it?

In these last few moments of 2010, I think I finally figured out how my feelings were purely out of gratitude and admiration, for someone who made this year (less of a living hell and) iconic of what I will remember in years to come.

But truthfully, 2010 was a terrible year which I might not even want to remember, full of moments when I will just stare into space and dwell. Sad face ):

Last year, I was determined to put in my best. I leave this year with a faint regret, and welcome the new year with a weak-willed hope.

I'm not expecting 2011 to be any better seeing how nothing's going to change, but it might just surprise me, who knows?

P.S A less vague and melancholic post may come soon, haha.

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