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December 15, 2010

Desolate


I've always thought that anything is achievable as long as one has the right attitude and discipline to work towards them. Whenever I don't succeed, I blame it on my lack of determination and practice.

I still stick to this principle, but as the days go by, I find it harder and more taxing to believe myself.

There has always been one thing that I wanted to ace at, where I commit and put in my utmost effort in. When everyone had a choice to pursue other interests, I kept to it, having false hopes that my commitment would be valued and appreciated.

Perhaps I'm forced by circumstances to be in this state, being ever-so-incompetent. Watching as people around me move on to better things, lead more colourful lives, while mine became stagnant and desolate.

Pressing on to something that I desperately wanted to be good at and clocking in hours of practice and concentration, only to be disappointed countless times, when I fail again and again; and they either cannot be bothered, or simply walk in and awe everyone without an inch of sweat.

Perhaps I'm stupid to hold on to something that I will never be proficient in, to treat it as a treasured priority while people put it at the back of their minds and totally disregard it as and when they like.

In any case, however hard I try, it's never going to matter because no one actually gives a damn anyway. So why the hell am I still stubbornly sticking to this pursuit, yet harping on it's unfairness?

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