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September 19, 2010

WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG


I am not working hard enough. I think I've already lost the drive I had one month ago.

I feel lost, insecure, and useless.

Ok I know this is turning into a shitty post.

It's like, I already did the chapters a few weeks ago and now I've forgotten everything! So pissed off with myself.

I think it's how this stupid JC system works, when you've fallen it's so difficult to get back up again. I feel like I'm being drowned, struggling to gasp for air. Being trapped in the company of 'E's, 'S's, and 'U's.

I think I'm already expected to perform at that standard, and the worst thing is, I keep thinking that I will get those grades! I don't know why my confidence level is so shitty argh.

And then it's like people are going, 'ok la don't aim too high for promos, AABC can already', and I'm like, is that even humanely possible?!? Slap you already can, wlao not high your head la.

I look at you, everything just seems so easy. It's like you complain about getting 'C's, about taking H3, and I can't stand it that we seem to belong to different worlds, yet we go through the same tutorials and lectures. I hate that I can't help but compare our grades everytime something is given out, and no doubt feel shitty about myself.

The practice papers are no help. I get almost like 80% for the things wrong due to carelessness. Seriously, I feel like stabbing myself. For every question I complete, I'm only like 50% sure that it's correct. Think I should spend half of my time checking my answers rather than completing the paper.

Sometimes I think that I'm already fairly okay, I look at the papers and they look like gibberish to me, like, were those stuff even taught?

Don't know if anything is worth it anymore.

What a way to think 5 days to promos.

And I just wasted an hour online for nothing.

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