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June 16, 2010

“Nobody said it was gonna be easy.”

Disclaimer: Sorry, too long never complain already, have to let the repressed thoughts inside me come out or I might explode.

I've heard it a million times, and it sounds so cheesy. But put it into a context and it's just so true.

I should have known. Would you agree that sometimes friends make really bad team mates? I'm troubled, don't know know to approach this issue, it's so abstract, yet so real.

A friendship hanging by a line just because of conflicting ways of handling stuff.

It's the feeling of desperation, of having no choice, that irks me so much. I might have had hated making choices, but if you know your fate is already destined for the next two years, with no means of escape or backup, right from the very beginning, things pretty much suck.

And all these thoughts in my head keep replaying, over and over again like a never ending cycles, all the frustration, unjust, envy, jealousy, even angst.

I think I just need a 交待 (translate?) for how this kind of shit could have even happened. Even a pretend explanation that is remotely probable, would do. Every single day I'm like, 'Seriously, wts? How is it even possible that it happened by chance? Is someone out to ruin my life? Does someone have something against me? Do they hate me? Or what??'

Bummer. Over and over and over again pardon all the complaining.


Today the word 'leader' is so overused it doesn't really mean much anymore. It's simply a label, an honorary badge, good reputation.

Well for a start, not everyone can be a conventional kind of 'leader' that most people envision to be. I was thinking the other day, some pre-requisites of one would be:
  • Tall, Loud voice, Preferably a guy
And to succeed as a 'leader' of a school community (++)
  • Friendly, Pleasant looking, Popular
Please, almost 100% of the list are like what, born to be?

I'm not saying that such people do not make good heads, but gone are the days where a leader needs to have vision, stature, drive, authority.

And I only recognise a leader when I give credit for what he/she does.

I hate it when he/she:
  • Is too open to suggestions and becomes indecisive.. so what is the point of your presence?
  • Under the name of 'allocating jobs', gives all the work to others and does nothing, then taking overall credit.
  • Superimposes on others, forces own opinions down other's throats and when being questioned, asks with a mildly challenging tone on 'So what do YOU THINK should be done?'.
  • Takes a form of an 'omniscient god' to 'look over' the work at hand, instead of recognising that he/she is part of it. 'What do YOU want to do?' 'What is YOUR idea, explain it to me' 'Do YOU still want to continue?' Hello, ownership please!
  • Is not even qualified to be leading, does not even make any effort to be take charge.
  • Abuses authority, 'nuff said.
Maybe I'm pushing things a little too far by posting, but I certainly am not directing this to certain people.

And I'm not saying I have a qualities of a leader.

I just get really tired sometimes, I admit, to doing work that people take for granted. To feel suppressed. And for actually doing productive work while people just.. argh.

I know right,

"Welcome to the real world".

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